Stocl Market

Helium was up, feathers were down.

Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cow steered into a bull market.

Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom.

Diapers remain unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up.

Coca Cola fizzled.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Sun peaked at midday.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

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Learning To Love

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.

“Ohhh, it’s my girlfriend.”
“Oh yeah? What’s the problem?”

“When I asked her if she could learn to love me,” he said, “she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.”

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The Cruise!

Three friends — two straight guys and a gay guy — and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.

They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.

First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
“I can’t let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny.”

Then came the second straight guy.
“Sorry, can’t let you in, either.” said St. Peter. “You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!”

The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously…
“It’s not looking good for us Dick.”

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Breasts Too Small

A girl is complaining about the size of her breasts to her girl friend. She said, “I know I many be shallow, but they’re so small. I just can’t stand them!”

Her girl friend replied, “Look, don’t get an operation or anything like that. I had the same problem and I went to Dr. Michaels and he helped me a lot. Make an appointment.”

“You do look good. OK, I’ll do it.”

She makes the appointment and after the examination Dr. Michaels said, “Look all you need is an exercise program and the improvement will be amazing. Here’s what you do. Stick your chest out and bring it back in. Do that for ten minutes every day. And to help you with the rhythm, do it in time with this poem, Mary had a little lamb, his fleece was white as snow. If I do this everyday, my breasts are sure to grow.

She did her exercise faithfully everyday, until one day when she forgot. She was on the bus going to work when she remembered that she hadn’t done them that morning. She looked around, and very gently stuck her chest out and back and quietly said, Mary had a little lamb his fleece was white as snow. if I do this everyday, my breasts are sure to grow.

She was startled when a fellow came up and said, “Hey, you go to Dr. Michaels, don’t you?”

“Why yes,” she said, “but how did you know that?”

He stood up and began gyrating his hips while reciting, Hickory dickory dock…….

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The Top 16 Titles for Madonna’s Children’s Books

16> Hop on Pop Star

15> Willy Wanker and the Chocolate-Flavored Lotion

14> The Little Roadie Who Couldn’t

13> Snow White and Her Gay Cult Following

12> Curious George and the Big Cone Bra

11> Heather Has a Long String Of Cheap, Meaningless Daddies

10> The Amazing Adventures of Harry Beaver

9> Harlot’s Web

8> The Singing Princess and the Ever-Exasperated Acting Coach

7> The Three Pointy Bras Gruff

6> And to Think That I Saw It in a Men’s Room Stall in a Club

on Mulberry Street

5> Are You There, Lucifer? It’s Me, Madonna.

4> Goodnight Moon. As for *You* Ted, Jack, Stan, Chloe, Princess Jasmine, and the One Over There in the Crotchless Fed-Ex Uniform… Follow Me Upstairs.

3> Hairy Partner and the Leather-Clad Dominatrix

2> Goldislut and the Two Illegitimate Children

1> Clifford with the Big Red Dong

[ The Top 5 List ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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Selling the Wife

A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him
what happened.

“I did a terrible thing�, sniffed the drunk, “Just a few hours ago I sold my
wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort.”

“That is awful,” said the other guy�,and now that she is gone you want her
back right?”

“Right!” said the drunk, still crying.

“You’re sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still
loved her, right?”

“Oh, No,” said the drunk. I want her back because I’m thirsty again!”

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Dos homosexuales se casan y

Dos homosexuales se casan y se van en viaje de luna de miel en un avi�n en vuelo nocturno.

Al anochecer, la azafata les entrega a los pasajeros mantas y almohadas, les desea buenas noches y apaga la luz. En la oscuridad, uno de los maricones se empieza a calentar y le sugiere a su pareja hacer el amor. El otro se niega porque cree que los pueden pillar.

El que estaba m�s caliente le propone levantarse y hablar en voz alta para asegurarse de que todos est�n durmiendo. As� es que se levante y dice en voz alta:

“�Alguien tiene f�sforos…!”

Tras repetir en tres ocasiones el pedido y como nadie contesta, los maricones empiezan a hacer el amor desaforadamente.

A la ma�ana siguiente, la azafata les da los buenos d�as y retira las mantas y almohadas. Un viejito la llama susurrando:

“…se�orita, �puede darme una coca-cola?”

La azafata le pregunta el porqu� habla tan bajito.

“Resulta que anoche a alguien se le ocurri� pedir f�sforos en voz alta �y se lo fornicaron toda la noche!”

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